A LEADING virtual osteoporosis specialist has warned Second Life residents that years of dancing by moving their hips from side to side while occasionally lifting one leg could leave them facing a lifetime of imaginary musculoskeletal problems.
Professor Elaine Cartilage, of the Royal College of Avatar Medicine, said she had become increasingly concerned by residents who spend six hours in clubs performing dances which appear to involve “shifting their pelvis eight inches to the left, eight inches to the right, and then raising one knee every 23 seconds as though they desperately need a piss.”
She said: “The human skeleton simply wasn’t designed for this. Fortunately, neither was the Second Life skeleton, so we’re largely making this up.
“But nevertheless, some of these people have been doing the same dance since 2009.”
SERIOUS WARNING
Researchers studied 600 avatars at popular Second Life clubs and found that 83 per cent displayed worrying symptoms including excessive hip displacement, inexplicable knee lifting and an inability to keep both feet on the floor while listening to Evanescence.
Professor Cartilage said the most dangerous animation involves an avatar standing almost completely still while slowly moving their hips from side to side and periodically lifting one knee in front of them.
“This is particularly concerning because the posture is almost identical to somebody waiting outside a locked Wetherspoons toilet,” she explained.
“After approximately four hours, you begin wondering whether they’re dancing at all or have simply been too embarrassed to ask where the toilets are.”
Other high-risk movements include bending forward slightly while placing both hands on the thighs, rotating the shoulders independently of the rest of the body, and suddenly staring at the ceiling for absolutely no reason.
PERMANENT DAMAGE
Long-term sufferers may eventually develop Virtual Hip Displacement Syndrome, a debilitating condition in which the pelvis continues moving several seconds after the resident has stopped dancing.
In severe cases, avatars have been observed walking normally out of a nightclub while their hips remain inside for another three minutes.
Second Life resident Candy Temptation, 29, who has been 29 since approximately 2011, dismissed the warnings.
“I’ve used the same dance HUD for fourteen years and I’ve never had any problems,” she said, while slowly raising her left knee and staring desperately towards the toilets.
Professor Cartilage recommends residents vary their dance routines, stretch regularly and occasionally choose an animation in which their spine appears to have some involvement whatsoever.
She added: “And if your avatar raises one leg every 23 seconds, please check your AO.
“Because there is a very real possibility you accidentally bought the Woman Desperately Waiting For The Ladies Bento Animation Pack.”