A 38-YEAR-OLD Lithuanian woman has been sentenced to death by stoning after a group of toxic giggling Second Life teenagers discovered she was not wearing a Lelutka Avalon mesh head.
Mother-of-two Ruta, from Kaunas, was surrounded outside a virtual nightclub after making the catastrophic mistake of believing there might be more than one acceptable shape for a female face. Witnesses said the atmosphere changed when 52-year-old Madddison zoomed into Ruta’s face and whispered: “Wait. Is that not Avalon?”
Her friend Kenzleigh replied: “Oh. My. God.” Someone called xXBratPrincessXx inspected Ruta from several angles before confirming the horrifying truth.
“It’s Catwa!!!” All three screamed.
Ruta explained that she liked her Catwa head, knew how to use it and had spent considerable money buying skins and makeup for it. This was ruled inadmissible.
“Nobody is saying everyone has to look the same,” said Madddison, whose Lelutka Avalon head was identical to the other 14 women nearby. “We’re all completely unique. My Avalon has slightly different eyebrows.”
THE AVALON DOCTRINE
Second Life fashion experts confirmed Avalon is no longer merely a mesh head but the mandatory female skull of the metaverse. Women may express their individuality by choosing different hair, earrings or the exact shade of enormous glossy lips attached to their Avalon. The underlying face must remain Avalon.
“Obviously you can customise it,” explained Kenzleigh. “I moved my nose slider two points.”
She then produced photographs of six friends whose avatars appeared to be the same woman attending different stages of one extremely long night out.
Ruta’s suggestion that she simply preferred another head caused several members of the group to begin giggling uncontrollably. One had to sit down.
FURTHER OFFENCES
Investigators then discovered Ruta had not purchased an eyebrow tattoo reading:
DANGEROUS BITCH
“She doesn’t even have writing on her face explaining her personality,” said BratPrincess. “How are people supposed to know she’s a dangerous bitch?”
Ruta suggested this could traditionally be ruled out by speaking to somebody for several minutes. The tribunal erupted in laughter.
Inspectors also found no razor cut through her eyebrow, no tiny heart beneath her eye, no BABYGIRL across her cheek and no inexplicable plaster across her nose. Prosecutors described the avatar as “basically unfinished”.
SENTENCING
After deliberating for 40 seconds, the tribunal sentenced Ruta to death by stoning for aggravated Catwa ownership and refusing to convert to Avalon. The sentence will be carried out at midnight, when 17 identical Avalon-headed women will throw badly textured mesh rocks while typing “BYEEEEEE” into local chat.
Ruta may escape punishment by purchasing Lelutka Avalon, an approved skin, enormous lips, three facial piercings and enough tattoos to make her forehead resemble a nightclub toilet wall. She must then post a photograph to Primfeed captioned: “Finally found myself.”
The tribunal stressed that Second Life remains a world where anybody can be anything they want. Provided what they want to be is Lelutka Avalon.
The teenagers subsequently posed for a photograph celebrating individuality. Nobody could correctly identify which one was Kenzleigh.